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"The struggle between the two worlds can permit no compromises.  It's either Us or Them!  Either you're with us or you're against us!"  
Benito Mussolini, 1930.
UP!    ['Them' won.  And turned out to be 'Us!']

london
NOV 19-20       PRESIDENT BUSH VISITS LONDON!
Already protests force shelving of Bush and Queen parade!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.indymedia.org.uk/en/2003/10/279221.html
:) :) :) :) Planet expects gigantic protest :) :) :)
http://www.stopwar.org.uk/bulletin.asp?id=081003
UP!

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the UP! //:-) 173 oct 22,   2003
la- la- la- lap-toppling da system!                     
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Amen, Rest in Peace (in Jail or not) and Goodbye to all that

we can’t go on just ignoring what israel is UP! to

contents
p.2     DODGY BIBLE SEXED UP!  //FEEDBACK
p.12    ACLU SAY FIGHT (THE DEA) FOR YOUR RIGHT TO PARTY!
p.12    BRITISH DON CALLS FOR END TO JEWISH STATE
p.13    US CONSUMERS IGNORANT OF DOMINATING PRESENCE OF FRANKENSTEIN FOOD IN FOOD SUPPLY
p.16    PRINCESS DIANA ASSASSINATION R E V I S I T E D :(
 handy kwik reference guide to who dun wot & why.
p.18    Anger Management
p.1-18  Bush is bad news we can stop him!


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TEXT JOCKEY //  TJ PHRASER (Fraser Clark) & THE MEDIA EVOLUTION 
MIXING THE TRACTS LIVE ON THE KEYBOARD @ A MEDIA-MEME RATE OF 160 IPP * 
* Ideas Per Paragraph
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        ;;;;;;;
__,,,,_{ô¿ô}_,,,,___
=============== fraser
do u hear the Iran War drums?  do u notice how it’s coming into your mind more often than before?  do u sense that soon u will need to come up with an ‘opinion on the iran Question’?
it’s the demonisation process at work.  if u don’t consciously knowtice it at this early stage then, by the time the ‘Priests’ (the Xpert Elite who know) have built it into a full-blown Crisis, you’ll feel like it’s ALWAYS been very dear and important to you and anyone who thinks different is Devilish. “they had atom bomms, they illegalised masturbation, they hated our swimming pools, they didn’t allow their youth to watch porno movies, they were sitting on OUR oil, they worshipped pop idols, etc etc”
UP!


YOU FEEDBACK:  DODGY BIBLE SEXED UP!


This does not seem like a review, more like a regurgitation!  If you cannot substantiate your claims, then this could be seen as blasphemy!  Surely you need more than someone else’s so called "discoveries" in order to make such bold claims as this! 
Just exercising my freedom of speech, please don’t be offended.  We are all seeking the truth as are you.
> wotta response this article has stirred UP!!  as for substantiating 'my claims' the book does that over several hundred pages so pls read that and then write in again if u like :)
darius weithers / dublin
UP!

Love your article on the dodgy bible sex up
Ancestors are speaking and revealing the LIGHT
The 5th sun is intriguing.
Keep up the Great Work!
ToeadAh /USA
UP!

Sorry Fraser, if you're taken in by this kind of utter bollocks (the supposed debunking of the Jesus myth), it doesn't say a lot for your powers of discrimination - or intelligence.
Regards,
Paul Carline / UK
> you’ve obviously read the book twice, and therefore i certainly respect your objective conclusion of utter bollocks.  congrats on such an open mind, i know an org that would love your support :)
UP!

WHAT IS THIS, AND WHO ARE YOU, YOU NEED TO GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF.
Virginia.Dawson-Taylor@Dfa.State.NY.US
> or perhaps you're living in a non-democracy where you can't speak freely?  THERE IS HOPE OUT HERE!
UP!

It’s become clear to me that the war against Islam began in earnest 10 or more years ago, and September 11 gave the government the excuse to go after Islamic charities and to target Arabs and Muslims for surveillance and prosecution.  Read the transcript or view online (www.pbs.org) the excellent "Frontline" report on the prosecution of six young American-Yemeni men in Lackawanna, New York.  Read the articles by Georgetown University Law Professor David Cole in "The Nation" or better yet, read his new book, "Enemy Aliens" (New Press, 2003).
        The problem is precisely that the truth of the Administration's agenda in Iraq and the world is not getting out.  The agenda is born of greed (corporate and oil interests), extreme politics (Zionism and American imperialism), and fundamental Christian dogma that calls itself the only "truth" and that has as one of its underlying tenets support for the "promised land" of Israel.
        Hitler whispered his agenda at first, quietly crafting changes in the law and judicial system that would support his regime.  By the time the world woke up, it was too late to stop him.  There still may be time to stop Bush and his plot to change the world order through violence, fanaticism, and control of the critical infrastructure that holds the globe together (financial institutions, oil, water, and energy, for instance).  But not unless the truth gets out.
Op-ed columnists all over the country are missing the point by warning off his rhetoric.  He is "sending the wrong message," they say.  It may be the wrong message, but it is the honest message from an administration that hides its mission in the false rhetoric of tolerance, "democracy," and humanitarianism.
        The more we hear the truth, the better off we will be.  And the sooner, perhaps, we will all wake up and realize what their government has in mind for them-and the world.
Elaine Cassel
http://www.counterpunch.org/
UP!

Concerning The Jesus Mysteries, there seems to be a great deal of overlap between the information as you have explained it and what for years I understood to be the case without having done the research necessary to publicly go out on such a limb.
Marjory Khan, Miami, Florida, U.S.A
UP!
we can’t go on just ignoring what israel is UP! to

Been receiving your very interesting and provocative mailer for a while now, and have been appreciating your unique take on things.
ANDREW C. RAWNSLEY / Scotland
UP!

please unsubscribe me
I think you need to review some other books as well before making claims about Christianity.
> have had such stuff crammed down my throat all my life. am now 60 years old and have devoted my entire life to the study and search of Consciousness.  know more on this subject than any other single historical subject. (how much do YOU know about Buddha's life, say?)

Christianity isn’t about checking your brains at the door when you go into church  millions of people are inspired to more creative thinking because of the freedom God gives them.

> clearly not yourself since your reaction to criticism is to REMOVE THE SOURCE OF INFORMATION (as in asking to be removed from our List)

Jesus was a radical and many people have argued that he’d have issues with a lot of the church as it is today. 

> certainly the 'Jesus' and 'Christ' of the thousands of other gnostic sects (some much larger than OUR sect until the Roman Emperor EMPLOYED THEM) would have laffed them off the stage.  (or wept them)

When Constantine made Christianity the official Roman religion a lot of problems began as people who were worshipping pagan gods and were suddenly forced into a new religion. When this happened in Brazil (obviously more recently) pagans started to ‘adopt’ saints to represent their Gods and worshipped them.

> sounds good.  except for the FACT that many of the gnostic +tian sects were mixing in pagan gods, rituals and beliefs LONG BEFORE our +tian cult was hired by Rome!

You are wrong when you say there is no credible evidence for a historical Jesus.  Roman historians talk about him as a person and a criminal.  They got ticked off because they could stop all of the other messiah-chasers by killing their leaders but when they did that to Jesus, Christianity carried on.  Cornelius Tacitus (born A.D. 52-54), the Roman historian (who historians generally trust to supply accurate information about Roman history) writes:

"But not all the relief that could come from man, not all the bounties that the prince could bestow, nor all the atonements which could be presented to the gods, availed to relieve Nero from the infamy of being believed to have ordered the conflagration, the fire of Rome. Hence to suppress the rumour, he falsely charged with the guilt, and punished with the most exquisite tortures, the persons commonly called Christians, who were hated for their enormities. Christus, the founder of the name was put to death by Pontius Pilate, procurator of Judea in the reign of Tiberius: but the pernicious superstition, repressed for a time broke out again, not only through Judea, where the mischief originated, but through the city of Rome also. " Tacitus, Annals XV, 44.
> Tacitus' evidence is NOT contemporary.  It dates from 50 years after the event.  As governor of Asia c112 CE he must have been familiar with +tian 'troublemakers' as his friend Pliny obviously was.  The only thing that would make Tacitus' writings an independent testimony to the existence of Jesus and not merely the repetition of +tian beliefs would be if he had gained his info about Christ being crucified under Pontius Pilate from the copious records the Roman kept of their legal dealings.  But this does not seem to be the case, for Tacitus calls Pilate the 'procurator' of Judea when he was in fact a 'prefect', so Tacitus is clearly not returning to the records of the time but quoting hearsay info from his own day.

This period was a very literate period in human history and, of course, the Roams were obsessed with records and histories.  The writings of all the writers below who all wrote within a 100 years of JC's supposed life would be enough to fill a library BUT NOT ONE OF THEM REFERS TO JESUS:
Arrain, Petronius, Senecca, Dion Pruseus, Pliny the Elder, Appian, Juvenal, Theon of Smyrna, Martial, Plutarch, Apolonius, Pausanias, Vawlerius Flaccus, Forus Lucius, Quintilian, Favorinus, Lucanus, Damis, Silus Italicus, Autus Gellius, Statius, Columella, Ptolemy, Dio Chrysostom, Hermogeones, Lysias, Valerius Maximus.  THE ONLY ROMAN WRITERS TO MENTION ANYTHING OF INTEREST are Pliny, Suetonius, and Tacitus. who were writing at the beginning of the 2nd century,

Still, I know I won’t convince you through this kind of writing.  Please take me off the mailing list
J.Jones / Scotland
> Still, I know no kind of writing of mine will convince you.  You are not even willing to read the book that gives the info and  so clearly your mind is closed - as I predicted and described.  I have taken you off our list because you asked, NOT (as in your case) because you have argued with me :)

NEXT DAY....

Sorry to have offended,
you didn't offend me at all :)  honest. 
now, are you sitting down?  i perceived your response to be a TYPICAL 'CHRISTIAN REACTION".  there are several others EXACTLY like it.  tho yours is better read etc the reaction of immediately cutting off is precisely the same.  in other words you responded with a higher class of "official lie" (something you've been told and have never actually CHECKED OUT) but the (committed) refusal to move beyond Faith is the Same Process.

you're just lucky i guess here because only last night in bed i read the following that's so relevant to this little thread:  spoken by some great Pagan Christian Gnostic quite famous:  something like "Faith is for Beginners who need to be able to accept the word of others who have witnessed and experienced.  But later, in the Inner Teaching, they must move to a Knowledge, full personal direct hands-on Knowledge."

You’re an interesting guy.  I’m not as ignorant as you think I am!
> that's not it.  your ignorance is self-chosen (u virtually admitted so already).  the attitude u r picking UP! in me is that you are clearly much more interested in knowledge than YOU want to face :)

I stick by my comments (though nice take on Tacitus).
> let me come clean on that one.  i looked up Tacitus in the index of the book in question :)  i bet you £10 they demolish every single historical thing you were ever told by the +tians. 

You’re right I am close-minded, but I’m so convinced of the truth in Christianity that I can afford to be.

I wasn’t looking for a row, I just wanted to give you my take on things.
J. Jones / Scotland
UP!

Unbelievers will scoff, but in the wake of Sept. 11, the idea that a higher power ordained the inauguration of Mr. Bush is no longer confined to the loonier fringes of the religious right.
"I think President Bush is God's man at this hour," a top White House aide told a religious publication not long ago.  Ralph Reed, the former director of the Christian Coalition who now chairs the G.O.P. in Georgia, says his fellow evangelicals believe God selected the President because "He knew George Bush had the ability to lead in this compelling way."
Nor is this revelation confined solely to Protestant conservatives.  Two days before Christmas, Rudolph Giuliani, a ‘devout’ Catholic, announced that "there was some divine guidance in the President being elected."
In this sentiment, the Time magazine "Man of the Year" was swiftly seconded by a Catholic bishop.
If the President is indeed guided by Providence in lavishing additional billions upon those who already enjoy so much material abundanceeven while the numbers of unemployed, uninsured and homeless soarthen his ascension may represent a millennial reversal of heavenly policy.
Joe Conason / NEW YORK OBSERVER, OCT 18, 2003  
> actually the last Throw of the Dinosaurs
UP!

Fraser,
Rarely do I respond to most of the rubbish one encounters on a daily basis, but your writings on the recently published book about the life and existence
> non existence
we can’t go on just ignoring what israel is UP! to
of Jesus in your last edition of the UP! is just too outrageous to ignore. The fact that books like this are published is bad enough
>you’d have them banned would u? or at least ostracised and NOT read izzattit?

, but to then have someone like you suggest to people that it is a must read and that it finally exposes the greatest evil of all time is preposterous. Have you completely missed the point of Christianity? It is about LOVE and PEACE.
> NOT! it’s about Faith as u very well know. which is why u get so apoplectic when someone questions the facts :)

If in your (warped) mind this is the supposed greatest evil of all, then what are you about?
> DO YOU HONESTLY NOT SEE THE DAMAGE DONE?!
the Problem today is us wise sane majority watching u goddam fundamentalists fight it out with each other over our dead bodies :)

As a guitarist who happens to believe in Jesus I dare suggest that we will never be the greatest of friends and share the same points of view, but at this point this only makes me happy because I find such narrow mindedness and blatant stupidity saddening and frustrating.
>try being a pagan over the last 1000+ years if u really want to know about narrow mindedness and stupidity PLUS violence, demonisation and plain burning at the stake. if the stake still existed am certain you’d be among the crowd throwing logs on the fire, no? and if not, why not? were they wrong then?! (and there's one aspect of the damage done)
so which izzit? u wouldn't burn me at the stake (with Love for my poor soul naturally) or do u admit they were wrong to do it then (thereby admitting some of the damage done)

I wish you well in your life, Fraser, wherever it may take you.
Mark, Budapest
>to the stake you mean? :) but i love you for not removing yourself as several right wing kooks in america have done.
as for the guitar, mark, if u ever feel you’ve invented a new riff (which must be damn near statistically impossible after 50 years of monopolising the stage) lemme know, it’ll be historic!
UP!

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Hi Fraser,
Is this any of this really new?
"WE have become convinced" they write in their chapter, The Unthinkable Thought, "that the story of Jesus is not the biography of an historical Messiah, but a myth based on perennial Pagan stories...
This is pretty much accepted fact by many religious scholars.
What's news?  Surly not that Christianity is a mind-f*ck and is based on Paganism!
Blessings,
Adrian / Wales
> well, one thought i’ve had since is that maybe this should be the Primary Element in the Peace Movement.  this is the True Story of what it’s all about and maybe that’s the front we should be fighting on.  IT’S NOT ABOUT OIL IT’S ABOUT A WAR BETWEEN 2 FUNDAMENTALIST WINGS of 5% of each population!  as for you having known this before (as i said i had known much of it) but the point is surely that as many people should know these facts as quickly as possible and that’s why it’s here in the UP!  no?
UP!

GENERAL HUNTING BIN LADEN GOD PUT BUSH IN CHARGE!
By David Rennie,  Daily Telegraph

The general leading the hunt for Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein has publicly declared that the Christian God is "bigger" than Allah, who is a false "idol", and believes the war on terrorism is a fight with Satan, it emerged yesterday.
Investigative reporters from the Los Angeles Times and NBC television have dug up two years' worth of seemingly incendiary comments from Lt Gen William "Jerry" Boykin, the newly promoted deputy undersecretary of state of defence for intelligence.
Army Lt. Gen. William "Jerry" Boykin has repeatedly told Christian groups and prayer meetings that President George W Bush was chosen by God to lead the global fight against Satan.  He told one gathering: "Why is this man in the White House? The majority of Americans did not vote for him. He's in the White House because God put him there for a time such as this."  In January, he told Baptists in Florida about a victory over a Muslim warlord in Somalia, who had boasted that Allah would protect him from American capture.  "I knew my God was bigger than his. I knew that my God was a real god and his was an idol," Gen Boykin said.    And when the Somali was captured, Boykin said he told the man: “Mr. Atto, you underestimated our God.” 
He also emerged from the conflict with a photograph of the Somalian capital Mogadishu bearing a strange dark mark which he has said showed "the principalities of darkness. . . a demonic presence in that city that God revealed to me as the enemy".
On the Middle East, Gen Boykin told an Oregon church in June that America could not ignore its Judaeo-Christian roots. "Our religion came from Judaism and therefore [Islamic] radicals will hate us forever."
> forever we’re ripping them off, butchering them, and humiliating them.  we actually CAN’T know what they’d be like if we didn’t do that.

In the same month, Gen Boykin told an Oklahoma congregation that Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein were not the enemy.  "Our enemy is a spiritual enemy because we are a nation of believers. . . His name is Satan."
Why are terrorists out to destroy the United States?  Boykin said: “They’re after us because we’re a Christian nation.”

Though careful to respect minority religions within its ranks, the US military is strikingly devout from top to bottom. Mr Bush and several key figures in his administration are staunch Christian conservatives.
we can’t go on just ignoring what israel is UP! to
At a routine press conference yesterday, Donald Rumsfeld, the normally confident defence secretary, appeared wrong-footed by the controversy.  He hailed the general's "outstanding record" and said his comments were made "in his private capacity".
Gen Boykin told NBC that he would be curtailing his speeches to religious groups. "I don't want to come across as a Right-wing radical," he said.
> even though he is one.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml
UP!

don't get me on this subject fraser, one would have to be insane to literally believe in a virgin birth, and yes, like you state there are many belief structures/religions that also have a virgin birth as a symbol, not as a literal.
for the romans, the first section of the belief was ideal because it told people what to believe and for a controlling invading force this kind of belief is perfect.  it dictates and is prescriptive.  not like the other religions that were more into self reflection and finding the god within you.
anyway i must stop here - spot an ex catholic anywhere in the above....... :)
is it an oldish book, cos i think i have already read it?
bob peek ‘ peek magazine / uk
> actually all but the first letter of paul are forgeries. the other thing he wrote is also true gnostic. the church changed him from gnostic to what they required is the fact.
and yes the book came out by that Brit health publisher whose name escapes and has now been republished (and i assume updated) by a big publisher. worth having, even just as a handy reference when some bullshitter starts quoting some hoary old lie. did u know that every single book in the new test has been disputed as a forgery at some time?!.
UP!

I own the book, now dog-eared and held dear.  Read it twice.  Great book.  I always suspected I was, but now I know I am -- a Gnostic.
I enjoyed even more Jesus and the Lost Goddess, also by Freke and Gandy!

Go to sleep my daughter
Go to sleep my son
Once the world was water
Without anyone
lcotter / uk
> not me.  i didn’t read the whole of the book.  frankly the first one, as i said, was enuff to finally convince me that i never wanna hear anything +tian again.  there are loadsa other fine spiritual ‘instruments’ available.
UP!

Fraser, this looks fantastic, but I just wanted to say that David Icke goes on about all this in great detail in Children of the Matrix, in fact, he demolishes Judaism & Islam while he’s at it and has quite a bit to say about Buddhism & Hinduism & how the deities are the same ones in all these religions and are recycled or have name changes but the story is much the same. He‘s got a load of info from the Edda!  David Icke is definitely not the Son of God...he is saying Jesus never even existed and neither did his disciples, in other words all the New Testament is "bollocks!" (David's word for it!)
Steve
> what you got to watch with david icke is that, though i think his heart is pure and he THINKS he’s passing on good information (and often is!), nevertheless he is very new to this whole game, came from being a football commentator and really has no discrimination in these matters.  hence he can’t pick out the real from the deliberately planted.  and has become surrounded and monopolised by people who are not necessarily best-intentioned.  is all :)
UP!

A Few Facts About Dionysos (aka Bacchus, Iachos, Iasos)
Born on Jan 6th (Old Xmas Day)
A deity of nature and intoxication, incarnatable in human form
Described in metaphors about ivy, grapevines and wine.
Taught Tao-like principles of natural living and oneness with all life.
>yeah wot did dem +tians do with “Take no thought of tomorrow” then, eh?!
Defender of  the outsider and the oppressed
Was considered the son of Zeus born to a mortal woman
Turned water into wine.
Travelled among mortals as a nomadic teacher-healer who performed many miracles. His followers did same.
Rode in a triumphal procession on an ass
Associated with sacred feast of wine and bread
Devotees sought communion with Dionysos and/via Nature.
Was known as ‘Lord of the Dance’
Gives initiates power to overcome death
Murdered by enemies, rises from dead, returns to world of gods
Called "King of Kings," "Only Begotten Son," "Saviour,"
"Anointed One,"  the "Alpha and Omega."

Closely associated with the Egyptian deity Osiris who:
Was born in a manger near the time of the New Year.
Walked on Water
Was Murdered and Regenerated in Spring (around Easter)
Expected to reign as Pharoah for a  thousand years.

Some extra facts about Dionysos
God of intoxication through Wine and Beer, but he was also god of Pharmika (drugs): Datura, Opium and Cannabis (etc?).
A mural depicting Dionysian initiation, seems to show Mushrooms on ground.
Also later associated with Shiva (when the Greeks reached India).
we can’t go on just ignoring what israel is UP! to
Even more on Dionysos:
Bull Horned God
Lord of the Underworld and Source of Life
Creator ­ Destroyer
Serpent Cult links
The Lord of the Hunt
The Panther God (later associated with Tigers)
The Goat Skinned God (friend of Pan)
> this was after the Roman Christian Church had “won the war in Iraq” and there were no more pagans  well, except them Pan worshippers, and the witches, and alchemists and troubadours and wizards and, waitaminit you might even be one!]
The Wild One, The Mad God.
The Lover of Many Women.
The Most Ancient One.

Many argue when Dionysos was torn apart (in Orphic Myth) he remained schizoid in two distorted parts 'Christ' and 'Satan'.

Secret Dionysian-stylee Schools attempted to reunify these interdependent polarities into a more natural and positive whole (like Blake's Marriage of Heaven and Hell).
Don Kaotoc (for Dionysian Underground)
UP!

Just wanted to put my 2 cents in on the Jesus/Christian thing.
I was raised in an ignorant Baptist culture of fear and know all the worst manifestations of Christianity,  avoided religion for years.  I still think "religion" is evil, but have found a fresh belief system since moving to Venice, Los Angeles, where the "New Age Movement" ("the devil's work" according to my mother) confronted me and caused me to re-examine the whole concept of a higher being.  Can't believe the stupid things folks believe -- used car salesmen "channelling" some ancient camel driver, etc!!!

But I recently took a class (free) where we studied only the words attributed to Jesus -- and to my surprise, the ONLY thing he ever said was that we should love each other.  Every story he told, that was the message.  Love your enemies.  Turn the other cheek. Live love.  That's it and nothing else, no claims, threats, or rules.
 I was astonished at how simple it was.  All that other crap was added by men who were furthering their own agenda.

I agree with everything that you wrote, except I would argue that there must have been a man named Jesus whose teachings were so radically subversive in the original presentation as to launch 2,000 years of bullshit.  Was there a King Arthur, a Robin Hood?   I wrote research papers in college and concluded that the legends are common mythological traditions, but that real individuals existed at some point and inspired the stories.

I have an open mind and don't have an opinion or judgement on what I cannot know.  I so hope to join a collective consciousness after death -- think past life theory makes the most sense and want to believe in it (Jesus alluded to it) you just can't know for sure, can you, until you die.

I will tell you, however, that I believe in God -- or Karma, a higher force, etc.   I challenged God directly to prove his existence to me (seven years ago) and was astounded to receive an answer specific to the details of my prayer in less than an hour.  No shit.  I'm not easily convinced, but this was plenty of proof to me.

Now I practice a radical hippy/raver personal form of "Christianity," and I rarely bring it up because I don't believe other people need to be "saved."
You can believe whatever you want, but please don't be so angry about Jesus -- just rail against the corruption of the message.  I've seen your light and the love in you and consider you more "Christian" than all those assholes.
> am not saying anything against him except that he never existed.  or, put much more positively, amalgamated many ancient pagan/shamanic man-god myths.  imagine all those pagan worshippers tripped out together but united by a single mythos of the Dying/Resurrecting Man-God!  wotta rave to end all raves that would be!  RAVES THAT SAV ES?!!!!  Cinnamon Twist R U Listening At This Hour?  :)
Kathleen / Venice / LA
UP!

Some of us were lucky enough to have been born into Judaism. :-)
> yeah, but the Jesus Story was created by Jews already fed up with the stifling effect of an ancient religion weighted down with Laws!  how much more set in its ways can it have become since those +tian jews split off?!  :)

Skepticism was to be considered an essential element of all our upbringing.  We were expected to ask questions and to continue learning for all our lives.
> somebody got summat right ok.

But I do appreciate the book review and am tickled by your enthusiasm.  I'll try to find a copy and will pass your review on to a few choice friends.
> am tikkled meself.  60, and still growing! :)  growling?
ruth claire / arizona
UP!

As the religious right gains ground in the US, accompanied by politicians evoking the god-fearing values of good and evil, a culture honouring diversity is replaced by calls for apocalyptic war.
        As always, the schoolyard has become a major political battleground where the latest educational minefield lies in the origins of life: namely a return to the 1925 Scopes Trial debate of Evolution vs. Creationism.  For example, to promote Christianity, Cobb County, Georgia is putting disclaimers on its science textbooks, saying that evolution is "a theory, not a fact," and school districts from Kansas to Ohio are enmeshed in battles royale over an issue that should be settled in a country separating church and state.
        Not that bible-banging US Attorney General John Ashcroft is troubled by the far right's assault on the First Amendment; claiming "I think all we should legislate is morality," the man charged with upholding the Constitution has instead slowly dissected it to fit his far-right Assemblies of God ideals.
        And then there's Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia's insisting "the religious viewpoint should have a role in the legislative and political process."  Earlier this year, Scalia cited the New Testament to assert that government, "derives its moral authority from God . . . to execute wrath, including even wrath by the sword," adding, "the more Christian a country is, the less likely it is to regard the death penalty as immoral . . . for the believing Christian, death is no big deal."

The upshot of all this is that by promoting fear and blind arrogance, "leaders" charged with protecting the tolerance and diversity that make our country strong, chisel away at the base instead.  Their approach boils down to: "If you are one of us, religious freedom and life itself are all-important; if you are one of them, your beliefs are wrong and your death is no big deal."
This attitude would be creepy enough if many of those marching us into a Middle Eastern blow-out didn't believe in a literal Armageddon.  Not helpful either that a full 59% of Americans say they believe in the apocalyptic events predicted in the Bible's Book of Revelations: when the Messiah returns on Judgment Day, believers will be lifted to glorious Heaven while sinful non-believers will be "left behind" to do battle with the Antichrist. 
> then, of course, we know the Catholics see Bush hisself as the Antichrist!
        All of this is, of course, massively complicated by the +tian belief that the Messiah can return only if a new temple is built on Temple Mount, one of the holiest - and most contentious - sites for Islam, Judaism and Christianity combined.

So we're left with US arsenals of mass destruction in the hands of politicians with a simplistic good/evil, us/them approach to the globe - among whom are those seeking salvation in a fiery Middle Eastern apocalypse.
        Not the most comforting reality as the potentially nuclear Palestine-Israel conflict implodes, and Iraq is backed into more dangerous corners every day.
While longing for deeper meaning is natural in times like these, divisiveness and fiery death aren't the correct goals.  And who said our lawmakers should be in the business of legislating morality and defining life and death according to their own religious beliefs?
        Ultimately, rather than glorifying in the sinners "left behind" to face torturous battles with the Antichrist, we should focus on helping those left behind by today's unbalanced social and economic systems.  Through diversity and (gnostic shamanic) tolerance we all are lifted up (together); through small-minded arrogance (literality!) and greed we all lose (alone).
UP!
heather@heatherwokusch.com


the achieving of innerstanding
The Preparation
1.      Quietly centre in that part of you that’s the most real.
2.      Take conscious control of your mind, emotions, body and spirit.
3.      Let your mind surrender all desire and pretence to take command.
4.      Let go of everything that is stress inducing, all fears and anxieties.
5.      Let go of all pre-concepts and expectations of goal.
6.      Let go of all thoughts, anticipation, knowledge, memories and habits.
7.      Let go of all that inflates the ego; get ‘yourself’ out of the way.
8.      Hold on only to a 'will to meaning'.
9.      Perfect your nothingness, but become totally alert and available.
10.     Permit the present moment to be your total world, be totally open to its mystery and unexplored possibilities - like a new born babe: exceedingly vulnerable ... yet unconcerned.

The Participation
11.     Make full contact with that momentary world through every available channel.
12.     Be 'at one' with that world, totally unified in mind, body and spirit.
13.     Put your trust in the unknown, allow it to support you.
14.     Go right into the Full Silence beyond all sound and activity.
15.     Cultivate a 'will to meaning' in every fibre of your being; allowing this will force to become very strong, and exceedingly real to you.

The Act of Creation
16.     Permit your 'will to meaning' to provoke its own creative response: letting happen what wants to happen.
17.     Accept meaningful inputs from any source: always thankfully, enjoying their magic and music.
18.     Listen attentively for instructions from deep within, the seat of true intelligence and wisdom.
19.     Test every illumination for possible self-deception - particularly when tired or dispirited.
20.     Implement quickly, but only to the extent of the illumination and while it lasts.
21.     Be omni vigilant for that which is meaningless, invasive, and wrecking work of worth.
http://members.aol.com/johndkirby/TedSite/
UP!
Bush is bad news we can stop him!
"Governments, non-governmental organisations, political parties and social movements, labor unions and business interests, and religious organisations and student groups are talking to each other and are realising they have a common purpose.  That purpose is to drive the neo-con threat away from the power centers of the world."  W. Madsen, the News Insider, 7/10/03
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we can’t go on just ignoring what israel is UP! to

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The UP! (UP!mag or UP!grademag) is a global edutainment round-up, ‘broadcast’ weekly to =[11,775]= Alternative// Activist// Zippy// Trance// New Age folks who have been recommended to the Parallel YOUniversity//Megatripolis Dance Dept as "showing signs of life".  Since many recipients choose to forward it or parts of it to their own lists, we conservatively estimate 30,000+ direct recipients.  Further, because of its 'mix' of 'specialist' & 'general' content, it's increasingly being posted on a variety of sites worldwide, making an estimated total weekly ‘readership’ of =[275,000+]=
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* * * * * * ** * * * ASTRAL ENERGY ANALYSIS FOR WEEK OF OCT. 22-28 * * * * * * * * * * *
GET READY FOR BIG CHANGE
We can start thinking about, and planning for,
manifestation of the dreams we’ve been nurturing the last few months.
The arts, in particular, get a new shot of adrenaline now.
This week’s phase is one of cleaning out old debris to make room for the new.
We are undergoing a great re-alignment of old institutions,
both personally and in the social sphere.
For details, see Maya’s Daily Success Guide at
www.daykeeperjournal.com
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * *

NEW GOD SURVEY DATA
Fox News Belief Poll
MORE AMERICANS BELIEVE IN UFOS THAN ASTROLOGY!
Though belief in God remained at the same level from earlier surveys, belief in the Devil increased from 63% in 1997 to 71% today.  In other beliefs, about a third of Americans believe in ghosts (34% percent) and an equal number in UFOs (34%), and about a quarter accept astrology (29%), reincarnation (25%) and witches (24%).
UP!


ACLU SAY FIGHT (THE DEA) FOR YOUR RIGHT TO PARTY
America's highly respected civil liberties organisation the ACLU published a formal guide to the RAVE Act this week, urging people to actively start defending electronic music against the US authorities' crackdown on nightlife.

"People must stand up for their rights and continue to hold raves and keep electronic music culture alive," the ACLU urged in the guide.

"Before you can stand for your rights, your must know your rights.  If someone mentions the RAVE Act, be ready to explain that the DEA (drug enforcement administration) has stated it does not apply to legitimate business owners."
"The DEA must not be allowed to chill speech," they stressed.
"The DEA must not be allowed to shut down electronic music events."

 ECSTASY AWARENESS ACT - 'This is the most extreme law affecting the music industry, extending criminal liability beyond the promoter of music events to include lighting technicians, performers, vendors, security guards, venue owners, managers, and more. ..”
http://emdef.org/act/#ecstasy-awareness-act
[skrufff.com]
UP!
Bush is bad news we can stop him!
"When Bush's popularity ratings were in the stratosphere, Republican legislators contentedly basked in his warmth. The White House political operation could threaten to discipline Republican legislators who defected, refusing favors and even threatening challenges in primaries. Those days are simply gone. Nothing succeeds like success. And nothing fails like failure."  Robert Kuttner, The Boston Globe, 10/01/03
UP!


New York
BRITISH DON CALLS FOR END TO JEWISH STATE
by Sarah Baxter
Tony Judt, a former Oxford history don, has caused a furore in America by claiming that Israel is an anachronism that should be replaced by a secular bi- national state of Jews and Palestinians.
Writing in the current issue of The New York Review of Books Judt claims that if Israel keeps control of the occupied territories without resorting to unacceptable ethnic cleansing, its Jews will soon be outnumbered by disenfranchised Arabs.
        “It is time to think the unthinkable,” he writes. “Unless something changes, Israel in half a decade will be neither Jewish nor democratic.”
        Judt, a liberal Jew and former kibbutznik who previously supported the creation of a Palestinian state alongside Israel, now says that the Middle East peace process is “finished” and that the notion of a two-state solution is “probably already doomed”.
        While Judt’s views may sound “outlandish” to Americans, former Bush writer David Frum warns, they represent a “growing consensus” in Europe.
        Judt is a professor of European studies at New York University, and watched the World Trade Center burn from his window.  He argues that Bush is drawing America into a widening Middle East conflict that meets the objectives of Israel’s foreign policy but is of little use against Al-Qaeda.  “Which war are we fighting?” he asks.
        He concludes: “The depressing truth is that Israel’s current behaviour is not just bad for America, though it surely is. It is not even just bad for Israel, as many Israelis silently acknowledge. The depressing truth is that Israel today is bad for the Jews.”
Sunday Times.
UP!
Bush is bad news we can stop him!
"If you look at the issues ahead of us, and consider that Bush has lost the integrity issue over the Iraq WMD lies, and then factor in the voters' views on the direction of the country, you see that Bush has incumbency and money going for him in the coming months, but not much else."  The Left Coaster, 7/12/03
UP!


IN THE “GREATEST DEMOCRACY MONEY CAN BUY” CONSUMERS ARE IGNORANT OF DOMINATING PRESENCE OF FRANKENSTEIN FOOD IN FOOD SUPPLY

While GM crops are reviled as "Frankenstein Food" in Europe, a recent study in America has found that:
"MOST AMERICANS HAVE NO IDEA THAT FOODS WITH GENETICALLY MODIFIED INGREDIENTS ARE ALREADY FOR SALE IN THE UNITED STATES."
Despite the dominating presence of such ingredients in products sold at grocery stores nationwide, a majority of American consumers are unaware they’re buying / eating genetically modified food.
 
The second annual survey by the Food Policy Institute at Rutgers University in New Jersey found that awareness had increased since 2001 but remained strikingly low.
 
"Most Americans have no idea that foods with genetically modified ingredients are already for sale in the United States," said Dr William Hallman, lead author of the study and associate director of the institute's food biotechnology program. "But basically it's in all processed foods and we are all eating it."
 
26% believed they’d eaten genetically modified foods (up from 6% in 2001)
52%, said they were aware such food products were sold in supermarkets (up from 41% in 2001)
94% said they wanted such foods to be labelled.  

Consumers might be unaware of the dominating presence of genetically modified foods because the products are not labelled as such, the study said.  65% of processed foods like corn starch, soybean oil and high-fructose corn syrup contained some genetically modified ingredients. 
 
The study found consumer perceptions of genetically modified food will become more important as the technology spreads to a wider range of products.
 
The Department of Agriculture, it added, has listed among items targeted for biotech production fruits and vegetables, decaffeinated coffee beans and grains with “enhanced nutritional content”.  (right.  they really care about us!)
http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?click_id=31&art_id=qw1066249985808S320&set_id=1
UP!

GM 'COULD BE ANOTHER THALIDOMIDE'
Plans for the future of GM crops in Britain suffered a massive blow as insurance giants issued dire warnings about the unknown dangers posed by the supercrops.
Insurance firms are refusing to offer cover to farmers who want to plant GM crops because they fear a public health disaster.
Evening Standard Oct 7
http://www.kurzweilai.net/email/newsRedirect.html?newsID=2494&m=5435
UP!

MONSANTO WITHDRAWS FROM EUROPE, MAY TARGET INDIA
Rashmee Z Ahmed
In a strategically symbolic retreat, American bio-tech giant Monsanto has announced its partial withdrawal from Europe.  Monsanto, which pioneered GM crops in the West and brought hybrid cotton, corn and sunflower to India despite negative publicity, said it was withdrawing from four European cereal seed development stations in the UK, France, Germany and the Czech Republic.

The decision was "totally unrelated to the European Union's five-year de facto moratorium on the commercial production of) bio-tech crops" said a Monsanto spokesman, and was aimed at  “focusing more of our energies” by cutting loose from its loss-making European seed business and reducing production costs for a herbicide popular in India and elsewhere
           
Monsanto's announcement resounded like a thunderclap through anti-GM Europe within hours of Britain releasing (on Thursday) the results of the biggest environmental-impact study of GM crops anywhere in the world.
           
But analysts said Monsanto's partial withdrawal from Europe was a sign that
international bio-tech companies had despaired of the continent's anti-GM stance and this would automatically lead the big players to look for markets elsewhere, in south and east Asia, China and South America. 
           
“We have long been displeased and disappointed by the EU moratorium and if you ask us, do we want to sell bio-tech technology to Europe? Of course we would."
           
Monsanto's fourth-quarter financial results released on Thursday showed "a net loss of 188 million dollars" .
Times Of India, OCT 17.
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/cms.dll/html/uncomp/articleshow?msid=236839
UP!
Bush is bad news we can stop him!
"The press has become a lot less shy about pointing out the administration's exploitation of 9/11, partly because that exploitation has become so crushingly obvious.... in the past six weeks President Bush has invoked 9/11 not just to defend Iraq policy and argue for oil drilling in the Arctic, but in response to questions about tax cuts, unemployment, budget deficits and even campaign finance."  Paul Krugman, The New York Times, 9/11/03
UP!
we can’t go on just ignoring what israel is UP! to

WOKKIN THE TOK
FRI OCT 17      Jonathan Meier, age 20, departed Portland, Maine, on a coast-to-coast walk to raise awareness for Dennis Kucinich's presidential campaign.  He and a group of local supporters headed down Route 1 towards New Hampshire.  Volunteers from 24 states have already committed to joining in portions of the walk when it reaches their regions.

At a kick-off event in Portland, Jonathan delivered an eloquent speech. He said, "I walk because people need to know - people deserve to know that Dennis John Kucinich is running for President in 2004!  I’m walking to let people know that now is the time for us to act.  This is the moment that will change the course of history, because this is the moment that people decided to come together for one grand cause - the cause of global peace."

Expected Arrival in NYC: OCT 30, 2003
Expected Arrival in Washington, DC: NOV 11, 2003
Expected Arrival in San Francisco: FEB 29, 2004
http://us.denniskucinich.us/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=1040
UP!
Bush is bad news we can stop him!
''A week of unrelenting bad news for President George Bush was capped yesterday by a new poll showing that Americans are losing faith in his ability to handle foreign policy crises  something the White House had expected to be a major asset as he prepares his 2004 re-election campaign.''  Rupert Cornwell, The Independent, 10/4/03
UP!


"Words are like wind and water."
Chuang Tzu
The invisible/conceptual gourd which activates or circulates spillover language can also be compared with the strange attractor of modern chaos theory.  The strange attractor is a real but non-material patterning that exists only in the action it informs.  Think for example of a swirl of smoke in the air.  Why doesn't the smoke simply dissipate evenly, like a mathematical gas?  Why are there patterns in it?  Strange attractors are "attracting" the particles of smoke into those vegetal undulations, just as planets are attracted into orbits, or cells are attracted into a lizard's ass to replace a cut-off tail.
Strange attractors activate "order out of chaos" (in Ilya Prigogine's phrase).  Attractors animate "random" matter into coherent shapes -- but in reality the attractor only "exists" IN the material process itself.  The attractor can serve not only as a model for morphogenesis but even for evolution itself.
Prigogine's "creative evolution" depends neither on the blind "random mutations" of the neo-Darwinians, nor on the entelechy or vitalism of the Creationists.  With chaos theory, the "Third Mind" has entered into the equation, Michel Serres' "parasite".

One might coin the term "Taoist dialectics" to describe the action of this tertium quid, which bears so uncanny a resemblance to the Strange Attractor, the "catastrophe machine".  In the Yin-Yang disc the lozenge of dark contains a seed of light, and vice versa; moreover the areas are not separated by the straight line of Dualism, but rather by the snaky, sinuous, and ambiguous line of dyadic movement.  Western dialectics analyses in order to synthesise, whereas Taoist dialectics begins with synthesis in order to analyse :)
Hakim Bey
UP!
Bush is bad news we can stop him!
"The change over four months represents a serious haemorrhage in support, reflecting a combination of long-term but spreading disenchantment with the president's economic stewardship and new doubts over where he is taking
the country in his open-ended 'war on terror'”  The Guardian, 8/25/03
UP!


PRINCESS DIANA ASSASSINATION
R E V I S I T E D :(  handy kwik reference guide

WITH THE RELEASE OF DIANA’S LETTER, WRITTEN 10 MONTHS BEFORE HER DEATH, PREDICTING EXACTLY THE KIND OF DEATH SHE GOT, MI5 & CIA ARE BACK IN THE FRAME...

Personally I knew it was an assassination within an hour of its being reported.  I started to get that unmistakable feeling “I surely can’t be the only one who thinks there could be another explanation?!”, the certain sign the news is being ‘managed’.  Why would anyone want it managed?  How were they ready-set up to manage it in the first place?

Certain people are taken out - people whose message is seen as a threat because of their great popularity and their ability to mobilise public opinion and undermine social and political control mechanisms currently in place. e.g. John Kennedy, Martin Luther King, John Lennon and…. Princess Diana, who above all could focus media and public attention on whatever issue she chose.

"Prince Philip has let rip several times recently about the Fayeds - at a dinner party, during a country shoot, and while on a visit to close friends in Germany. He’s been banging on about his contempt for Dodi and how he is undesirable as a future stepfather to William and Harry. Diana has been told in no uncertain terms about the consequences should she continue the relationship with the Fayed boy…. Now the royal family may have decided it is time to settle up.“  Sunday Mirror 31/8/97 - on its way to the stands when news of the crash broke.


PRINCESS DIANA ASSASSINATION
handy kwik reference guide (from The Hidden Evidence by Jon King)

1)  Brit and US intelligence monitored Diana’s every move.  "MI5 do it regularly. They have literally hundreds of hours of transcripts.. They bug the royals from the Queen downwards… Even as I speak, Diana is being bugged… they think she’s unstable and could go off and do something, they want to know exactly what’s in her mind." James Whittaker, Royal Correspondent, Daily Mirror, May 1993.
MI5 chiefs finally resolved to remove her to avoid a major constitutional crisis.
2)  It was decided to assassinate Diana "on foreign soil" and to call in MI6 and the CIA.
3)  The "paparazzi" photographers who constantly pestered and pursued Diana and Dodi Fayed across Paris and into the Pont de l’Alma tunnel where the crash took place included intelligence services personnel.
4)  Secret services reckoned a ‘road traffic accident’ as the most easily deniable means of assassination - well tried and tested in Northern Ireland.
5)  Chauffeur Henri Paul worked for MI6 - his blood sample (the only  proof of the Official Drink-Drive Explanation) must have been switched, or he was injected with a cocktail of drugs and alcohol on the scene immediately after the crash. 
ALSO: Experts agree that the blood tested revealed such levels of carbon monoxide and alcohol that Paul would have barely been able to crawl, let alone drive, and never at such a speed.  Seen immediately before leaving the Ritz (by cctv cameras and others) he appeared quite sober and in control of his actions.
6)  All CCTV cameras on the approach roads to the crash scene were switched off at the time.  WHY?
A motorbike at the tunnel entrance drew ahead of Diana’s Mercedes which was travelling at 60/65mph (not 120mph as the press claimed). The pillion passenger turned and fired a blinding anti-personnel flashlight many times brighter than any camera flash at the Mercedes’s front windscreen, thereby temporarily blinding Henri Paul.  At the same time a white Fiat Uno  drew alongside, bumping the Mercedes broadside towards the central pillars in the tunnel. A Fiat Uno  wing mirror and rear light casing were later found at the crash site, and a couple of witnesses saw both Fiat and motorbike heading off at speed. Neither vehicle was ever traced.
7)  It took nearly 2 hours to get Diana to hospital, in the middle of Paris!  WHY?
8) Two letters, written by Diana just before her death, implicated the British Crown in "nefarious activities in Africa."  The Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh have large investments in big companies exploiting the mineral wealth there, particularly Angola, and the Duke of Edinburgh is patron of "Non Governmental Organisations" which sets up reserves and conservation areas, closing borders and shifting local populations, after which mercenaries move in and set up bases.
9)  Diana’s well publicised anti land-mine campaign included visits to Angola and threatened to expose a) the Crown’s vested interests there, b) the fact that British mercenaries helped the Angolan rebel force UNITA to lay land-mines, c) the wider scenario that the intelligence services, using British mercenaries, work to help to destabilise and overthrow governments in Africa to be replaced with Anglo-American friendly regimes.
10)  Diana’s love affair with Dodi Fayed simply could not be tolerated, and was the final nail in her coffin.  European Royalty has always sought to keep its bloodlines pure by intermarrying among themselves; an Arab/Muslim marrying a royal Princess with daily access to the future King, and perhaps even producing bastards with claims to the British Throne was utterly unthinkable to the royal establishment.
11)  Diana’s unique (and little known) ancestry, plus her unprecedented popularity, was seen as having the potential to topple the Royal House of Windsor. 
The intelligence services are well represented in top level masonic secret societies. Ancient and noble orders like the Knights of Malta and the Priory of Sion, which were formed hundreds of years ago to preserve ancient knowledge and records from the determination of the Christian church to destroy them, have, of course, in recent years been effectively taken over by agencies such as MI6, who now guard their ancient secrets. 
This is highly significant because Princess Diana was of Stewart descent and that she would almost certainly know all this. The present Stewart heir to the British throne is HRH Prince Michael James Alexander Stewart 7th Count of Albany, who resides out of the public eye in Edinburgh, but who is nevertheless the Scottish representative of a little known organisation called the European Council of Princes.
UP!
Bush is bad news we can stop him!
"What is the standard of impeachment?  Clearly if the standard is now what the House of Representatives did in the impeachment of Bill Clinton [in 1998], the actions of this president are much more serious in terms of dereliction of duty."  Sen. Bob Graham (D-FL), Meet The Press, 7/27/03
UP!
we can’t go on just ignoring what israel is UP! to

Anger Management
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I’d forgotten to make. I found the number and dialled it.  A man answered, saying, "Hello".
I politely said, "This is Fred Hanifin. Could I please speak with Robin Carter?" Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me.  I couldn't believe anyone could be so rude.
I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her.  I’d transposed the last two digits of her phone number.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and hung up.  I felt better!  I wrote his number down with the word 'ASSHOLE' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!"  It always cheered me up (knowing he deserved it).

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my 'asshole' therapy would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the Caller ID program?"  He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.  Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for.  I hit the horn and yelled that I’d been waiting for the spot.  The idiot ignored me.  I noticed a "FOR SALE" sign in his car window - so, I wrote down his number, again with asshole next to it.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole, (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I’d better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"  "Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes. I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"  "I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an asshole."  Then I hung up.  Now, when I felt the world had been too hard on me, I had two assholes to take it out on.

But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.
So, I came up with an idea.  I called Asshole #1.
"Hello."
"You're an asshole!"  (But I didn't hang up).
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beemer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."
Then I called Asshole #2.
"Hello?" he said.
"Hello, asshole," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are - "
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance . I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 34th Street.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th Street.
There I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and a news crew.
NOW, I feel MUCH better.
[sent in by jonni hey]

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Let it stand for 2 hours before icing

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